


sunshine

by yeeyeeyeet



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Bipolar Disorder, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:47:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28233387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeeyeeyeet/pseuds/yeeyeeyeet
Summary: Leorio loves Kurapika more than anything else in the world, but Kurapikas worsening mental health makes him feel like a burden
Relationships: Kurapika & Leorio Paladiknight, Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight
Comments: 4
Kudos: 49





	sunshine

**Author's Note:**

> TW for disordered eating, depression/bipolar disorder, and general discussion of mental health issues

Leorio stood in the doorway of his room, the lights from the street below illuminated the area just enough for him to make out the faint outline of Kurapikas body. It was about 10 pm and Leorio had just gotten home from his shift at the hospital, normally he would have been making dinner so they could eat together but tonight he was fast asleep. 

Something was off about Kurapika. The past few months had been hell and things had been getting worse lately. As far as Leorio knew, he hadn’t willingly left his bed in days and the only time he ate was when he was forced to. Leorio had to drag him to the bathroom to brush his teeth and shower. He had this blank look in his eyes that made Leorio feel like he was talking to a mannequin.

Leorio had a gut feeling Kurapika hadn't eaten while he was at work, so he decided to make pasta using a special Kurta recipe.

Kurapika had these episodes every couple of weeks. And the second they were done he bounced right back until he inevitably crashed again. But those in-between times weren’t any better. He would behave erratically, making impulsive decisions and speaking so fast Leorio couldn’t understand a word he was saying. When those episodes were at their worst he wouldn't sleep for days and Leorio would have to sit with him until he could calm down. 

He tried to distract himself by cooking but he couldn’t shake the feeling that Kurapika was very sick, the only problem was he had no idea what could be wrong with him. He never learned about anything like this in med school. And he had lost count of how many times he tried to get Kurapika to see a doctor. Whenever he brought it up, it ended up with the two of them screaming at each other. 

Part of Leorio felt like he should be trying harder, but this was completely out of his comfort zone. If anything happened to Kurapika, it would be his fault. For all he knew, Kurapika could be dying. He put his hands on the counter to steady himself. He wanted to tell himself Kurapika was fine and there was nothing wrong with him but he isn't stupid, something was very very wrong. 

He closed his eyes for a moment and promised himself that he would take Kurapika to a doctor tomorrow, even if it means he has to force him. He wasn’t going to risk losing another friend over something preventable. 

Once the pasta was ready, he went back into their room, pausing momentarily to steady himself. He walked towards the bed, careful not to drop the plates, and sat down next to Kurapika, "Hey sunshine, I made us something to eat"

Kurapika rolled over, "hmm?" he looked up at Leorio with bleary eyes.

Leorio helped Kurapika sit up, "I made us some dinner"

Kurapika laid his head on Leorios shoulder and closed his eyes, "Thank you"

"I made it with the recipe you taught me... the one from your clan... its probably not the best but hey I tried'' He smiled kindly and handed the bowl to Kurapika, who shakily took a bite. Leorios eyes brimmed with tears, it genuinely looked like he was too weak to hold the fork. Kurapika leaned into Leorio, too weak to keep himself upright. 

Leorio wrapped his arm around Kurapikas shoulders, "How'd I do"

"It's perfect thank you"

Leorio blushed, "Thanks, I learned from the best. Anyways, how was your day?"

Kurapikas lips curled up into a small smile, "Honestly not that great, but this was a nice surprise. How was yours?"

Leorio answered as he usually does, by telling a billion different stories about all the buckwild shit that happened at the hospital that day. A few of the stories earned a small chuckle from Kurapika. That sound make Leorios chest feel warm tingly, like when you drink something warm on a cold day. He wished he could bask in that feeling forever. 

Leorio finished eating and set his plate on the nightstand. He ran his fingers through Kurapikas hair,his fingers getting caught up in tangles. 

"I think tomorrow we should take you to a doctor."

Kurapika tensed up, "I can't... I don't wanna lose you"

"Lose me? Nothing that happens would make me leave you, I can promise you that"

"My mom... whatever this is. She had it... and she never got better. Our clan tried to help her but... she never got better. We would think she did, but then she would get bad again. And... now I have it." Kurapika sat up and moved away from Leorio, "And we're gonna go to the doctors and they're just gonna tell me that there's nothing I can do to fix it. And you're gonna realize I'm never gonna get better and there's no reason to stay with me because I'm a mess." His breathing was ragged and his whole body was shaking. 

Leorio was taken aback by Kurapikas outburst, "Pika, I don't mean this to come across as rude, but your clan wasn't the most medically advanced, there could be a cure out there. You might as well try and see what happens"

Kurapika shook his head, "Please don't get my hopes up." He pulled his knees to his chest.

"Kurapika, I can't let you suffer like this. There damn well could be a cure out there that you don’t know about. Besides I would never leave you. I love you, I don’t care if you're sick, I would never leave you. I care about you so much, plenty of people do. Gon and Killua have been asking about you, I had to tell them you were out of town for a while so they wouldn’t worry” 

He reached out to hold Kurapikas hand, but Kurapika swatted him away, “I’m sorry... I just really don’t want to” 

“Kurapika, I need you to go to a doctor, if there’s even the slightest possibility we could find something to help you I need to know what it is. I refuse to lose another friend to something preventable.” Leorios breathing hitched “Please I don’t wanna lose anyone else” 

“Fine. But only if you're there with me when I get the results. I don't wanna hear it alone.” 

Leorio tackled Kurapika in a hug, “Deal!” 

“Hey Leorio, you’re kinda crushing me” he wheezed 

“Whoops” he flipped them over so that Kurapika was laying on top of his chest. “Better?” 

Kurapika nodded, “I’m going back to sleep” 

“Me too” Leorio nodded. 

That night the two of them slept better than they had in ages. 

In the morning Kurapika had a difficult time getting up, “Leorio. If you don’t let me sleep for five more minutes I can and will shank you” 

“Shank me!?” He laughed, “Stop being dramatic and get up, also you need to shower before we leave. You know what I’ll start running the water for you and you can rest until it’s warm” 

Kurapika pulled the blankets around himself and yawned, “Okay that’s fine” 

Leorio smiled, “You’re cute when you’re tired” 

Kurapikas face turned beet red, “shut up.” 

Leorio chuckled and went to go turn the water on. On his way he called one of his friends asking if he could bring Kurapika to his office sometime today. His friend agreed and they scheduled an appointment for 11 am. 

“Come on Kurapika! The showers ready!” Leorio called. 

A few moments later Kurapika showed up, wrapped up in their comforter. 

Leorio laughed, “Hurry up and take your shower, the appointment is at 11. I don’t want you to be late. I’m gonna start breakfast so don’t take too long” 

After Kurapika showered he threw on one of Leorio's sweatshirts and a pair of pajama pants.

Leorio had made french toast and hushpuppies, two of Kurapikas favorites. 

“Thank you” he smiled slightly as he sat down. 

“Are you feeling any better today?” 

“Not really, but I have you to force me to get up” 

Leorio nodded, “Are you ready for your appointment?” 

He shrugged and started playing with his food, “I don’t know, I have a feeling I know what they’re gonna say and I don’t wanna hear it.” 

“Honestly Kurapika you need to stop being such a pessimist, this is the only way you could possibly get help.” 

“I guess...”

They finished their breakfast in silence. 

“Kurapika, did you brush your hair? It’s a mess”

Kurapika shrugged and pulled up the hood of his sweatshirt, “it’s fine”

“No it’s not, it’ll get all knotted and gross if you don't brush it.”

Kurapika just shrugged.

“Nope, come on, you're coming with me, I'm brushing it for you." 

Before he could respond, Leorio grabbed kurapikas arm and led him to the bathroom. He grabbed the brush and some detangler from the drawer and sat on the ground.

“Leorio, why are you on the ground, I’m not that short”

Leorio rolled his eyes and pulled Kurapika into his lap, “You are now.”

Kurapika closed his eyes and leaned forward allowing Leorio to brush his hair. Leorio was gentle, using more dentangler than he probably needed, he worked through the knots slowly, making sure it wasn’t hurting him. He was so damn careful and soft it made Kurapika tear up a little. 

When he was done Kurapika leaned against Leorios chest and looked up at him, “Thanks.” 

Leorio pressed a kiss onto the top of Kurapikas head, “Don't mention it.”

They sat together for about ten minutes before Leorio stood up and ruffled Kurapikas hair, “Come on sunshine, we’ve got a doctors appointment to get you to.” 

Kurapika groaned and let Leorio help him up.

They walked together to their car, Leorios arm wrapped around Kurapikas shoulder. 

The whole way to the doctors office Leorio told Kurapika stories about the worst patients he’s had. Kurapika had heard them all before, but he appreciated the distraction. He wasn’t sure why he was so nervous but his heart was pounding in his chest and he had to fight to keep his breathing steady.

Once they got there Leorio and Kurapika walked in hand in hand. Kurapika sat in the waiting room while Leorio signed him in. 

After ten or fifteen minutes a doctor called Kurapikas name. He followed the doctor down a brightly lit corridor into a small room.

“Could you describe to me the symptoms you’ve been having”

He took a deep breath, his hands gripping the edge of the table he was sitting on, “I’m not even sure, it’s always different. Some days I feel like I’m on top of the world but Le-Leorio tells me I’m going so fast he can’t understand me. And I do stupid things like set my hair on fire or convince myself I can’t feel pain. But then maybe a week later I feel so tired and lethargic and I don’t leave my bed or feel like doing anything. And the only time I get up is when Leorio forces me to.”

The doctor nodded, “does your family have a history of bipolar disorder?”

Kurapika shrugged, “I’m not from here, we didn’t have names for things like this so I don’t know. But whatever I have, I got it from my mother”

The doctor nodded, “I'll be back in a moment, would you like me to call Leorio in here”

Kurapika nodded and wiped away the tears forming in his eyes, “please.”

The doctor nodded and came back a few moments later with Leorio, who sat next to Kurapika on the table. 

“I believe Kurapika has bipolar disorder”

Kurapika clenched his teeth but relaxed a bit when Leorio took his hand.

“It is treatable but there is no cure. But there is plenty we could do to make it manageable. For now I’ll write you a prescription and give you recommendations to a therapist... I’ll be back soon with your prescription”

The second the doctor left Leorio pulled Kurapika into a tight hug, “see! I told you everything would work out!”

Kurapika buried his head into Leorios neck and started crying, “yeah”

“Aww pika, why are you crying?”

Kurapika laughed, “I’m just... I don’t know. I’m just scared.”

Leorio nodded, “I get that... WAIT”

Kurapika jumped back, wiping his tears with his sleeve, “huh?”

“Let me take you out to eat... a special ‘my boyfriend is batshit insane but I love him anyways’ meal”

Kurapika laughed, “oh I’m the insane one?”

Leorio shrugged, “you heard the doctor”

Kurapika poked Leorios chest, “well I diagnose you with annoying little bitch syndrome.”

Kurapika was smiling, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Ouch, that stung”

“Yeah, I think taking me out to eat would really make you feel better”

Leorio playfully shoved Kurapika, “I already said I’d take you out to eat, don’t push your luck”

Kurapika laid his head on Leorios shoulder, “Can we invite Gon and Killua, I haven’t talked to them in forever”

“Ooh good idea, is it okay if I tell them what happened”

Kurapika nodded, “yeah it’s probably better than lying to them”

"Ill go outside and call them, are you good to wait here for the prescription."

Kurapika nodded, "of course"

He ruffled Kurapikas hair then left to call Gon and Killua. He dialed Gons number, who picked up after one or two rings.

"LEORIO! I MISSED YOU" Gon screamed.

Leorio moved the phone away from ear, "Jeez kid, youre gonna blow out my ear drums"

"Sorry"

Leorio laughed, "No worries, is Killua there? I need to talk to you two about something"

"Yeah! We're playing Minecraft right now. Ill put you on speaker phone" 

"Hey so me and Kurapika were wondering if you guys wanted to go out to eat with us"

This time Killua spoke, "Yeah... when did Kurapika get back?"

Leorio scratched the back of his head, "So I might have lied to you guys about that"

"What? Why?"

"Well, he's been pretty sick and we didn't want to worry you guys. And we just got back from the doctor and we found out he's bipolar. But we're gonna get him some medicine and he's gonna feel better soon. But he's doing pretty good today, I think knowing what's going on made him feel a lot better."

"Damn that's rough" Killua whispered

"Will he be okay?" Gon asked.

"Yeah he will. Im sure of it."

“Are you okay?” Killua asked

“I’m not the one whose sick”

“Yeah but that doesn’t automatically make you okay, you’re allowed to worry and be upset,” Gon added.

“Jeez when did you two get so smart. But for real, I’m doing really well.”

"Thats good... when should we meet up?"

"We’ll come pick you up in about an hour okay, wanna get lunch and ice cream?"

"WOOHOO YAY ICECREAM"

"Good to see you two still have your priorities straight"

Kurapika came outside with a slip of paper and a sticker. 

“Did you get a sticker?” Leorio laughed. 

“A nurse gave it to me, I think she thought I was a child” 

Leorio laughed, “Its cause you're short and have a baby face” 

“I’m not short.”

Leorio put his arm on Kurapikas head like it was an armrest, “whatever you say sunshine” 

“Leorio I’m literally 5’7 it’s not my fault you’re a fucking Goliath”

"Come on, let's go pick up Gon and Killua." 

That night Kurapika sat in front of his bathroom mirror. He hardly recognized himself, his eyes were sunken and he looked skinnier than he used to. There was a lingering fear that he would never get better, was it even possible to recover fully or would he continue to have episodes his whole life. Who was he kidding, he heard the doctor, he probably won’t recover. He's not that lucky. So why should he even try. It’s not like anyone would care. But maybe people did care. When he greeted Killua and Gon he saw them hesitate at first, looking in the mirror he now realized why. He looked so broken. And he was broken. But was that them caring? Or were they scared of him? There was nothing he could do to get better, he just has to hope and pray his meds and therapy will do the trick. But it won’t and then everyone he’s ever loved will leave him again. He’s hopeless, nothing matters anymore. He’s just a train wreck of a person. Tears began to form in his eyes. It’s only a matter of time before Leorio realizes all of this. So why doesn’t he just end things with him, it’ll save him a ton of future pain. Besides, why would anyone want to date someone who's bipolar. It’s not fair to the other person. Being his friend must be bad enough, but dealing with him on a day to day basis, actually living with him, that must be awful. Leorio already has a difficult job, he’s a doctor and he takes care of people for a living. He should be able to come home and relax. But he can’t do that because Kurapika is sick and worthless and needs to be monitored. Everyone would be better off without him, when he was off finding his clan's eyes, was probably the best part of his friends' lives. Purely because they didn’t have to deal with him. He wanted to leave, he never wanted to see them ever again. He was angry, not just at himself, he was angry at his friends. He hated Leorio for taking care of him, but he also wanted Leorio with him all the time because he makes him happy. But Kurapika doesn’t deserve happy, he deserves pain and suffering and he deserves to have no one. He hasn’t done a single good thing in his entire life so why does he have people who care about him? And why does he want them to care but also want them to hate his guts. He wants Leorio to curse him out and break up with him and tell him he hates him. But he also wants Leorio to be with him, and take him into his lap and just hold him and run his fingers through his hair and tell him everythings gonna be okay. But deep down he knows it would all just be a lie, because nobody could love someone like him.

His thoughts were interrupted by someone knocking on the bathroom door.

“Hey Pika, it’s me. I made us some hot cocoa.” 

Kurapika felt his heart drop, “I’ll be out in a minute okay.” 

“Yeah no problem! Just meet me in our room okay?”

Kurapika splashed some cold water on his face and dried it with a towel and went to his room.

Their bed was full of blankets and pillows. On the nightstand were two cups of hot cocoa and letter covered in glitter glue.

Leorio was sitting in the middle of the bed, “So, I could tell you weren’t in a great mood, so I brought all these pillows and blankets in here so you could be extra comfy. And then I made some hot cocoa because it’s cold and because I wanted some.” 

Kurapika wasn’t sure how to react. Part of him was willing to believe that Leorio really truly cared. Another part of him was convinced he was doing this out of pity. He honestly hoped it was out of pity, he didn’t want Leorio to care, it would be better for them both if he didn’t.

“The boys made you a note, they said you weren’t allowed to open it until you got home, because they wanted it to be a surprise. They also told me I’m not allowed to read it” 

“Oh” Kurapika whispered.

“Go ahead and read it, you look like you could use some cheering up” 

Kurapikas hand shook as he picked up the note. 

It was a piece of light pink colored paper folded in half. The outside was smeared in glitter glue and had the words “FEEL BETTER SOON” written in black sharpie. 

On the inside was a note, the handwriting was sloppy so it took him a second to decipher.

Below the note was a drawing of four stick figures. One super tall one with a tie and glasses, a slightly shorter one with blonde hair and red eyes, and two even shorter ones with a fishing pole and skateboard. All four figures were holding hands and had big smiles drawn on. 

Kurapika closed the note and held it against his heart. 

Leorio smiled kindly at him, “Those kids are really something huh?”

Kurapika chuckled, “They really are, they even researched bipolar disorder for me.”

Leorio leaned back, “They really care about you, they were so worried when I told them you hadn’t been feeling well” 

Kurapika set the note down, “I’m sorry”

“Don’t be, it’s not like you can help it.”

He sighed, “I still feel bad for making you guys worry.” 

“Listen, that's just part of the territory, when you care about people, it’s only natural to worry about them. Worrying isn’t necessarily a bad thing either.” 

“You care?” His voice was barely above a whisper.

“Of course I care! Kurapika, the stuff we found out today changed nothing about how I feel about you. Nothing could. I don’t care if it’s gonna be hard, things will get better.” 

Kurapika sat on the bed, facing Leorio, “What if it doesn’t?”

“Then I’ll still be here. Same as always.”

“You’re the best thing to ever happen to me, you know that right?” Leorio blushed and pulled Kurapika into a huge hug, “I love you so so so much” “I love you too. But are you really sure you want to stay with me. I don’t want you to end up leaving and I don’t want to hurt you. And you deserve more than me.”

“Kurapika?” Leorios voice cracked

Kurapika tightly closed his eyes, “I don’t deserve you. And you deserve so much better than me. You deserve someone who can be there for you and doesn’t need you to baby them.”

Kurapika could feel Leorios breathing become strained, “Don’t say stuff like that, please.”

“I’m sorry, I’m just scared.” 

“That's okay, but if you’re scared I’m going to leave you. Don’t be. I’m gonna stick with you through this. I don’t wanna lose you, I love you so much and I’ll do whatever it takes to help you. You’re the light of my life, you know that?” 

He relaxed and leaned against Leorio, “Thank you. You mean the world to me.”

“Love you too sunshine.” 

The sun is a capricious force. All it takes is one cold front to block out its light. Sometimes it will be hidden away for weeks at a time, casting a chill over the earth. Then it comes back like nothing happened, burning so brightly it blisters the skin of those caught in its wake, drying the soil and wilting plants. But sometimes there's a perfect balance, a warmth fills the air, thawing the frost on the ground. Kurapika is like the sun, caught up in a constant cycle of destruction and creation. But still, he was the light of Leorios life, no matter how dark things got. They always had each other, and that was enough.


End file.
